We lost a player today and I don't know what to do.
I met John because he found us. John suffered from MS, so like a lot of us, he was driven to enjoy his hobbies on the internet. Unfortunately, John was a traditional person. And so he wasn't welcome in many places in the hobbies he enjoyed online. John has never once, not once that I know of, said an unkind word about anyone, and never deserved that. Thank God, that's how he found Saga Society and we became friends. I am angry that the internet can be such a hateful place. But one of the best things that hatred caused was for me to find John. He said he felt like he had found a home with us and we got to talk nearly every day sharing the thing we loved together.
Not only did we become friends but we went on an amazing journey together. John played the Dwarf Nabbi in our six month long "The Heroes Journey" legendarium where he, another Dwarf, an Elven Wizard and two Hobbits were on a journey to destroy a cursed sword.
Along the way he negotiated with the Queen of the Winter Court of Fairies, won the prized dragon smoking pipe of Grigory Goldleaf in a tobacco smoking contest, saved a Hobbit child from a malicious Fey, negotiated with a Goblin army to steal a gem from a dragon hoard, brought peace between a Forest Troll and a Tavernkeep, and would finally stand his ground against the Cursed Midnight Rider of Loch Dearmod long enough for the Hobbit to destroy the blade. It was a campaign I'll never forget.
John would then find his way to Mythic Mountains and that's where he'd take on all sorts of roles and we'd even play together as players. He became one of the main players as the Cleric Kayden in my long running Swords & Wizardry campaign, where he helped to defend the little village of Zelkor's Ferry against the predations of the monsters of Chaos that burble up from the cursed Rappan Athuk. Kayden became one of the greatest heroes of that world that has seen nearly 60 players and ran for over 2 years.
John and I, funny enough, would disagree a lot although perhaps silently. I have a lot of "artistic" opinions about how tabletop RPGs should go. I think John just wanted to have a fun time with friends, and feel cool and powerful doing so. We actually butted heads on that, but I still liked him as a player. I could tell John was a hot blooded man, and probably several times a session he'd stop himself from saying something. John never once said an unkind thing to any of us, it never happened. I have come to covet the manly grace and restraint John held as a virtue. I'm mad I won't get to continue to learn from him.
I am angry that John never recovered and enjoyed the dreams he shared with us. He was a devout Christian man and wanted to be a Father and a Husband. He wanted to write children's stories. He will never get to do those things and it angers me.
John was mostly immobile when I knew him, but I still complained and shared about my own disability and my pain. I don't feel self conscious about this because John always was compassionate. In a way he was a trusted guide since it was something he had dealt with to a greater degree for a longer time. John constantly checked on me, constantly expressed concern and love. He was a fountain of compassion and love for other people.
I have been John's friend for about a year and we got to talk almost everyday. He was one of the greatest blessings God gave me during this time of physical pain, and he was one of my closest companions on our many adventures in the fantasy worlds of pencil, paper and shared imagination. We climbed mystic, winding mountains together, opened doorways between planes of existences, fought villains in righteous battle and strapped into starships on daring escapes and trade runs between planets.
I will never stop hurting that I won't get to hear John's voice again. And I don't want to. I want to remember him everyday until I can hear him again because I love him.
If anyone has experience having lost a player, I appreciate your experience. I write this blog because I have strong opinions and so much joy for tabletop RPGs. But I have no opinions or experience on this.
I hurt, I love you John and I miss you.
I don't know what to say. I just found out about this on discord. I am crushed, I liked John so much and looked forward to playing with him for much longer. I knew he had MS, of course, but... you kind of forget that playing with him.
I am going to miss him so much. I had things I looked forward to sharing with him in the future as well that now cannot come to pass. My condolences to his family, I hope someone can get us an address physical or digital to send them to.
I'll pray for him for the rest of my earthly life, and I greatly look forward to seeing him again. God rest him!